One of the reasons I moved from Florida

As with countless other women, during the 2020-2021 Pandemic, I spent a great deal of time in my home office, all alone.

I was so frightened that I had finally become a woman and then would die from Covid. 

What a vengeful God.

I wore my masks, got the vaccines when they became obtainable and worried about my future.

I was also sick to death of the overt religious Christians who ran everything in Florida and who would just as soon murder me as try to comprehend my transition.

However, the final straw that caused my decision to move from Florida in the summer of 2021, was Laurie Lykins, my boss at Human Resources Inc, had accused me of having an affair with one of our male clients.

It was phony and absurd. I dislike men and detested being having been male early in my life and would never have an affair with one. And I did not.

But Laurie took her trumped up charge to the board of directors, announced that I was a transwoman, and in a 7 to 6 vote I was dismissed in May of 2021. 

Frankly, I was ready to leave. The challenging work I was called upon to do was becoming more academic and difficult to write.

After commenting to my Facebook friends how I detested Florida, several people I trusted recommended Reno. After doing research on my laptop, I was influenced when I discovered that Reno had a beautiful river running through the downtown and lovely mountains all around the city. 

Reno sounded good to me. So, I said goodbye to Florida forever.

I said goodbye to my mother

This is what I wore to have lunch with my mother one day in 2019 in Clearwater, Florida. 

I was attempting to show her that my decision to become a woman wasn't something shoddy, garish, or evil.

She had always detested my cross-dressing once she found out about it. In fact, the first time she ever saw me in women's clothes she had her friend Scottie come to hold her hands to get her through the trauma of it. She saw it as a sin.

My craving to be a woman since age eleven was really a tribute to her as an actual feminine woman. I wore some of her clothes better than her.

We ended in an argument about my gender affirmation surgery. She hated that I was now actually a WOMAN. 

My mother said, "I don't ever want to see you looking like a woman again." 

To which, I said, "Don't worry. You won't."

As it turned out, she didn't. 

She died in 2020, one year later.

A flowered top and red skirt

I am normally not fond of red, but this skirt attracted me when I was shopping for clothes for my newfound gender.

These days, I wanted to be a cute older woman instead of someone sexually attractive.

All my life, I had wanted to be a regular woman, not some sort of sex object, and since my dream had come true, I stayed with my principles.

Being a woman is not an act, it is my own gender identity, and I am proud of it.

For years I had cross-dressed as a woman. That's why my hair was usually long. Unknown to others, I shaved my legs to seem more feminine and I learned to do makeup more nicely than many real women. I never dressed sexy and did not go in for leather and kinky stuff.

I simply wanted to be a regular woman.

Now, after all these years, I am the woman I wanted to be, and I feel incredibly lucky.

Before and after 2013-2019

I usually don't put up before and after pictures of my gender affirmation surgery. 

Why? Because so many young transwomen on social media are extremely sexy in the after shots.

But, for the sake of completeness, here are the before and after shots taken in 2013 as Larry Gable before surgery, and 2019, as Lauren Gable after.

2013 is when I was diagnosed with gender dysphoria. Immediately after that photo, I moved to Los Angeles and began living as an imitation woman.

I spent four years as a woman in Burbank, raising money and losing weight.

2019 is two years after my successful gender affirmation surgery.

Learning to be a woman was easy

Gender affirmation surgery synchronized my appearance more closely with my own gender identity.

The reason I had always desired to be a woman was because my gender identity WAS female. 

Gender-affirming surgery was essential and necessary for me. It was an intimate progression that included changing clothes, names, pronouns, and behaviors to fit my gender identity. I took legal steps to change my name and gender markers on government published identity records. 

Laurence Patrick Gable became Lauren Patrice Gable.

It took me 49 years of unsuccessful manhood to take that step. My sex indicated the identity given to me at birth, based on my outward anatomy. 

However, gender relates to my own sense of my behaviors, traits, and thoughts, often relative to my sex or to other members of my society. 

My gender did not match being a male, which I why I aspired to be female from the time I was eleven years old

Logically, estrogen and other drugs caused lovely feminizing effects for me such as breast growth, a curvier body shape, and smoother skin, for which I was incredibly thankful.

I am delighted to be a woman. My satisfaction with my life, mental and physical health, as well as my social life improved after my surgical treatment. I know how incredibly lucky I am to finally BE a woman.

Lauren in a short skirt!

As a life-long crossdresser, I never wore anything sexual or suggestive because what I really wanted was to look like a NATURAL woman.

Since I WAS a woman now, I decided a short skirt would be charming just for fun. 

Writer Dorothy Parker once said, “If you wear a short enough skirt, the party will come to you. ” 

It's important to me that by my readers know that in twenty-five years of cross-dressing I never ever wore sexy clothes. 

I wanted to be a natural woman, so I wore womanly clothing but not clothing intended to attract men. I hated being male and that's one reason that all my best friends were women or gay men.

I watched Project Runway instead of sports, read fashion magazines instead of men's magazines, and loved movies with female protagonists.

I've been a woman in my soul all along. 

Now finally I have the body to match.

Being a woman: a dream which came true

For too many years I dressed as a woman because I wanted to BE one. 

My crossdressing led to two divorces and nearly cost me my life.

The ache in my heart about wanting to be female never went away. I did not know at that time that my gender identity WAS female. I just thought I was a crossdresser or, as my mother said, a sinner.

I was never any good at being male. I made love to my two wives the way a woman would have, gentle and honestly. 

I wrote for popular magazines and later edited them. But my desire to be a woman never went away.

All my close friends were women or gay men who I met in community theater.

Finally, when I was diagnosed with gender dysphoria in 2013, I moved from Florida to Burbank, California where no one knew me and began living as an imitation woman fulltime. In four years of effort, I earned the money for surgery and lost forty pounds.

When I returned to Florida for my gender affirmation surgery in 2017 at Tampa General Hospital, my friend Cindy, who has undergone her surgery in 2015, helped me heal after my operation.

When I look on YouTube or social media, the transwomen I see are all youthful and unbearably beautiful. I have been a woman all my life but was afraid to have the surgery to finish the job.

So, I am not young, beautiful or an influencer.  But boy am I glad to be a woman.

Working as a woman

My complicated writing and editing work for the Human Resources company in Tampa required the most state-of-the-art computers available.

As a man, I had been working on computers since 1988, so it was easy for me to accumulate what I needed. In fact, as a male, I had been a writer and editor for major business magazines in the late Nineties.

However, the work I did from my home office for clients these days was peculiarly difficult because HR Inc. was a group of experts trying to solve dissimilar problems for organizations or government. That means the writing was academic and problematic.

What astonished me is that some of the men in the group flirted with me when I first appeared at our weekly staff meeting in Tampa. Since I am not attractive, they must have been trapped in the past. “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” That witticism is usually attributed to Albert Einstein. Never thought I would have THAT problem.

We also had monthly weekend conferences for our clients. Obviously, I had to appear in public on those weekends, but my self-confidence was elevated since my gender affirmation surgery had been so successful.

I basked in the gratification of finally being the woman I had always aspired to be.

 

Admiration at my new shape

When I put on my bra this morning, I looked in admiration at the feminine shape I am in after all those years of being in the wrong body, and I admit I cried with joy.

I have my own breasts and soft skin. and the curves of my body are still a magnificent pleasure for me. 

I can simply wake up in the morning and BE a woman. My wish for decades.

Now, I have my wish and it still startles me so. I enjoy being a woman more than regular women do because it took me so long to realize my dream.

I adore being female and it makes me proud and unafraid no matter how I got here. Gender affirmation saved my life and made it better.

Okay. I will admit it: 

I love the breasts that now belong to me thanks to the surgeons at Tampa General Hospital and my pharmacist. 

One of the greatest gratifications of being a woman are my breasts. Stealing a glance at the mirror at night became an unblemished pleasure.

These days, I'm just relishing the other pleasing things my body is capable of. 

I could have danced all night

I bought this dress for a church party, but I wore it to go dancing at our 2019 conference at the Don Cesar Resort Hotel in St. Petersburg Beach and it revealed one of my talents that almost no one knew I had.

As the evening activities began, I was simply happy to BE a pretty woman in a nice dress, bare legs, and heels.

What charmed me is that one of my gay friends, who had hired the band for the night, knew that I was a good dancer and he kept me busy dancing with him through the night. 

What a delight. Dancing with a handsome man. Rumba. Cha-Cha. Mambo. Waltz.

I noticed that my boss, Laurie Lykins, seemed a bit jealous of me that night. She danced not at all. Although she seemed to be drinking quite a bit.

One of the most WONDERFUL EVENINGS I have had in a long time.

Dancing as a woman.

People listen to a woman

As a male crossdresser for 25 years, I often dreamed of wearing a pretty dress and with bare legs and cute high-heeled shoes and standing in front of a conference room filled with people and having them listen to me as a woman.

This is the outfit I wore for our afternoon work sessions at the Don CeSar Resort Hotel in St. Petersburg Beach. It was the annual Human Resources Inc. conference in 2019.

I was one of several speakers addressing our efforts to computerize HR work at small businesses.

Only a transwoman can know the distinct gratification of standing in front of a crowd in an attractive dress, with bare legs and high-heeled shoes and having people listen to her. It was such a wonderful feeling. 

Now, I stood in front of a couple hundred people looking like the woman I was, and I felt overjoyed. 

Another dream had come true.

Being a woman in public in Florida

Oh, my. The exhilaration I felt in 2019, passing totally as a female in all conditions since my gender affirmation surgery had been so successful. 

I looked just like the unremarkable women I met as I appeared in public around the Tampa Bay area, shopping for groceries and paying my bills.

I was concerned that my mother could not accept me as a woman, because I was now a much more genuine and self-assured woman than I had ever been as a man.

When people say they “feel like a woman” this is a mild generalization because transgender women cannot accurately describe exactly what it is that makes them a woman. 

Being a woman is not a “feeling." 

Being a woman is a fact.

Gender is a fact, not a feeling. 

Keep in mind, having breasts and other female attributes aren't feelings. They are facts.

It is an identity.  You can’t explain why you are yourself; you just know you are.

So, I don't just FEEL like a woman. 

I simply AM a woman.

Happy Lauren in St. Petersburg

I was a great deal happier woman in Florida after my successful gender affirmation surgery.  (Thanks Tampa General!)

The work I was doing was significant and slightly above my level of competence. Since I had not gone to college, it was sometimes difficult to do.

But my wonderful church and my gay friends helped make my life complete. Most of my church friends knew I was a transwoman and only a few hyper-feminine, wealthy, real women were resentful of me.

A particular help in my getting over surgery was my friend Cindy, who transitioned in 2015. She helped me deal with the surgery and the year I healed.

I adored my new hairstyle and my new clothes now that I am not fat anymore. I am so lucky that all my life I have had my own hair. Which made it even simpler to pass as a female. 

What I had wanted for so many years, was true. And I was enchanted.

I was amazed as I checked the mirror and saw a mature female standing before me.

I love the ways in which I am female

Being a woman today means being strong enough to overcome adversity and discrimination; it means being confident in my identity as a female.

I have learned to be affectionate and nurturing towards others while also caring for myself. 

I know that gentleness and being considerate are fundamental to being the best woman I can be.

However, one basic need of a woman is the need for safety and security. That is what subconsciously drives me. 

I know how many transwomen have been murdered just for existing, especially here in Florida.

Which is why I have two locks on my front door and seldom go out at night.

The woman in the mirror

I just came from looking in the mirror where I saw a 50-year-old woman smiling back at me. 

It was me. After 49 years attempting to be a man, I finally became a woman in 2017. The woman I had dreamed of being since I was 11-years old.

My gender identity had been a woman then, but I didn't know it. I only knew that I ached to be female for all those years.

I cross-dressed for 25 years in Florida, but it was not enough.

I lived as a woman for four years in California, but it was not enough.

Finally, gender affirmation surgery gave me the body that I had always wanted to have. Breasts, soft skin, pretty legs, a shapely body, and my own hair.

I am so incredibly happy to be a woman. Even if it did take more than half my life to make it true.

 

So proud to be a woman

"No country can ever truly flourish if it stifles the potential of its women and deprives itself of the contributions of half of its citizens." -Michelle Obama

"I can promise you that women working together -linked, informed and educated- can bring peace and prosperity to this forsaken planet." -Isabel Allende

One of my gay friends at my Unitarian Universalist church gave me a birthday card in 2019 with this inside:

"You have the most beautiful heart and soul, Lauren. Hearing your voice brings me so much joy. The way you care for the people in your life inspires me. Your intelligence and passion are attractive. I love you, Lauren."

Each moment on this earth is a gift and as a woman I enjoy it. I am thankful for the present moment, it's all that you are guaranteed.

I am so much better a woman than I ever was as a man. It saddens me that I spent so many years as a male. All my friends were women and I married two of them, but I was not enough of a man to sustain our marriages.

The ache in my heart from wanting to be a woman colored every day of my life. 

If I had known about gender affirmation surgery back then, I'd have done it immediately.

Instead, I wasted my life as a man for 49 years. 

That's why I am so proud to finally be the woman I had always wanted to be.

Making my home prettier

Because I only had enough money for an inexpensive apartment in St. Petersburg, Florida, I put pictures and posters on the walls to make it look prettier.

I've had female traits all my life. Now that my body absolutely looks like my soul, I did as much as I could to make things appealing. 

I looked at myself in the mirror and felt a wave of gratification. I finally had the body I desired. Seeing my soft skin, my own breasts, and my bare legs, I was filled with delighted satisfaction.

For so many decades, I had not heard of gender dysphoria, so it did not dawn on me that I was female trapped in a male body.

But now, I am a woman. 

And glad to be female.

A more formal Lauren

Although there were few possibilities for me to really dress up when I lived in St. Petersburg, Florida, I did manage to obtain this lovely dress for a church social held to advance gay rights.

My Unitarian Universalist Church of St. Petersburg was a pleasing place to be a woman, because I was treated better than an average female. My church was a welcoming church of about 150 members. It was LGBTQIA+ friendly. 

I passed as a woman everywhere in the Tampa Bay Area, all the time, because there were many more women who looked like me in Florida. Since I didn't try to be sexy, people ignored me.

I wore this dress a few times, including when I went to a special party at the Don Cesar Resort Hotel in St. Petersburg Beach where I danced all night with a gay friend of mine.

Most of my friends, even when I was male for all those years were women and gay men. 

I had no real male friends at all. I had nothing in common with men and found it hard to like any.

Now, that I am a woman, my friends are the same.

I finally became a woman

One of the luckiest things to make my life as woman more satisfying was the fact that I had lost forty pounds in Burbank before I underwent my gender affirmation surgery at Tampa General Hospital in 2017. 

It took about one year to heal and get used to my new body after my surgery, with help from Cindy, a transwoman whose transition had been in 2015.

Starting in January 2018, one day after my 50th birthday, I began working for an online company in Tampa called Human Resources Inc. writing and editing material for large firms from my home office in St. Petersburg. 

It was my first job as a woman.

The only individual in the company who knew that I was a transwoman was the boss, Laurie Lykins, a real woman.

One pleasing thing about being back in Florida was that I was able to rejoin a great Unitarian Universalist church in St. Petersburg that welcomed gays, transgendered and all others. Several of my gay friends were still there from when I had been a man and they were deliriously happy to see me as a woman.

Finally. I am the WOMAN I had always WANTED to be.

Transitioning after 49

Lauren Patrice Gable 2017
Before gender affirmation surgery

How different life would have been, had I been able to have gender affirmation surgery when I was young. 

Many people conduct their male to female transition when they are thirty. 

Of course, for me, growing up in the 1980s, this would not have been possible. 

I know transitioning from male to female after 49 might be intimidating but it ended up being simple for me. As a grown-up with no living relatives, I was free to choose my own path.

Transitioning after 49 was easier for me because my two long term relationships with women had been over by 2013. 

When you are older, you need to look like a woman from the beginning. However, that was not a problem for me since I had cross-dressed for twenty-five years and lived as a woman for four years in Burbank before my gender affirmation surgery. 

I never went in for sexy clothes because I wanted to be a real woman. 

Soon, it would be true.