I was destined to become a woman

I was destined to become a woman, but it only became clear to me in the last few weeks.

Ways in which being a woman matches me.

I don't smoke. I tried to for a week back when I was 19 but I couldn't figure out how to inhale and I gave up.

I don't drink. My second wife, Jane, was an alcoholic and I learned first-hand how difficult it is to live with. Today, at 56, I drank water, tea, and milk. No coffee. No beer. No alcohol.

I have no children. This was on purpose. Because I was a crossdresser and was in the words of my mother a "sinner" I did not want to cause someone else to come into my life.

I've only been arrested once in my life (for crossdressing in Texas) and the charges were dropped.

I've never had extra-marital affairs with anyone. 

I have never injured another living human being. 

Although both my marriages ended in divorce, they were better off with me out of their lives. 

So, I've been preparing for being a good woman for all my life.

I am an Aquarius woman

Born on January 25th, I am an Aquarius woman. We are known to be honest, creative, passionate, unselfish, sociable, mysterious, and spontaneous.

Although, priding myself on my progressive spirit and curious mind, I live under the melancholy shadow of second-guessing myself and pointlessly wondering if I am good enough.

I resist falling in love because I cannot eagerly change even if it benefits me.

I am single since I feel trapped by the needs of a relationship. As much as I love the idea of a link, I find it more pleasing to be alone.

Those born under this Aquarius sign are blessed with self-assurance about who they are and what they want in life. 

I do not pretend to be somebody I am not. With me, what you see is what you get.

An Aquarius woman.

Living life as a man was difficult

I never had any male friends as I was growing up. I was no good at sports and the women I liked were friends of mine and not someone to lust after.

The few friends I had among males were gay guys. I was chums with them and I was certainly not someone for them to lust after, because I just did not like men and did not like being male.

My gender identity was hopelessly female, but I didn't know what gender identity was back then. I only knew that I wanted with all my heart to be a woman.

So, I fell into the only thing that helped me get through the day: crossdressing. And I never dressed in a sexual way, I never went in for leather or any exotic sex fetishes. 

I only dressed like a woman because I wanted to be one. I wore my hair long in the Eighties, so I did not have to wear wigs. I shaved my legs and sometimes my arms so I could appear more like a woman. I hated that my breasts were fake. However, in 25 years of crossdressing I managed to become adept at makeup and walking in heels and appearing feminine.

So, learning late in life that my gender identity was female made everything make sense.

Naturally, I hated being male because my identity was as a woman.

That's why the gender affirmation surgery I received in 2017 made me feel like a real person.

While it took about a year to get used to my new body and the effects of the hormones I was on, I eventually realized that I was a woman for real.

That's why, even though it took me so long to become a woman, I was completely, and in fact, a female. What a wonderful gift it was.
 

The 65-by-65-foot screen.

In May of 2023, Amy and I could watch from our front door at Renova Flats, as the Sands Regency casino hotel in downtown Reno became the brand-new J Resort. 

In May, I watched the men who climbed up ladders to put up the massive 65-by-65-foot screen.

And, in June, I could see the finished product. 

Work by digital artists from the United States, Europe and Asia is now featured on the screen.

The J Resort held a grand opening June 9th, 2023, as the downtown Reno hotel-casino completed major renovations. The rebranded former Sands Regency hotel-casino had been undergoing a multi-year renovation after Jacobs Entertainment bought it in 2017. 

The $300 million renovation was part of Jacob Entertainment’s efforts to revitalize downtown Reno’s west corridor as part of the Reno Neon Line District where Amy and I are happy to live at Renova Flats, across the street from the J Resort.

What Lies Beneath

I have watched the 2000 motion picture What Lies Beneath about thirty times. 

It’s about the wife of a university research scientist who believes that a ghost haunts her lakeside Vermont home. 

It stars Michelle Pfeiffer, and she is on screen for 98-percent of the film. 

She was at her most beautiful at the time and I love being told the story from her viewpoint. Granted, it is a fantasy, but she is effervescent.

Every time I worry that I am not feminine enough, I watch Michelle at her most beautiful and most realistic. She is so pretty but also so natural. I love her in her cute little sandals early in the film, and delight in the seance she and her best friend try to do to call up the spirit.

Later, when she realizes that her neighbor did not kill his wife, she tries to piece together who is trying to contact her. I won't ruin the ending, but when she realizes that someone is not being honest with her, she uses a lock of hair as an instigator of sexual exploits.

She is such a real woman in the movie, that I delight in watching her, repeatedly.

Editing fiction and nonfiction in Reno.

As a male, years ago, I was a magazine writer, doing stories about businesses and the government. Later, I was editor of one magazine and a column-writer in another.

When I left Florida in 2013, I gave up my job as an editor in chief of three magazines.

So, I've had lots of experience as a writer and editor but all when I was a man.

Now, finally, I am a woman, and I am a freelance editor for clients who are authoring books, non-fiction, and fiction. 

The other day, one of my clients said that I should draft a book about myself. I laughed and said, "No one would believe it."

In a small way, this blog is my attempt to tell my story for other trans people and gays and lesbians.

I am so delighted to be a woman; I want to help all the others who have differing genders.

Being a woman all the time

What delights me at age 55 is that I am a woman all the time.

I'm not an imitation, as I was for 25 years as a crossdresser.

I am not a male, which I was for forty-nine terrible years.

I am a vibrant, joyous female adult.

Most days I take it for granted, and that’s a shame. It's a miracle!  

There was a time when I would daydream about how nice it would be to be pretty. 

How nice it would be to look like a woman in any clothes, even a button-down shirt. How wonderful it would be to have curves, to have smooth skin, to have breasts that were real.

Being a woman is amazing. It’s an incredible, magical journey across the gender frontier. 

A new hairstyle since I'm 55

Now that I am fifty-five, I decided to get a new hairstyle with bangs.

I asked for a brown dye job which would make me more like years ago, but Carolina said, "Let's give you a sweeter chic style too."

She was right. I love it.

I even posed for the picture with my glasses on, which I never do.

I wish I could explain to my readers how definitely delighted I am to be a woman. 

The desire to be a woman happened when my sexual anatomy differed with my gender identity. In my case, it was a longing to be in the role of the female, to have the freedoms of being a girl, and related to a profound feeling that I was born into the “wrong” body.

It took me four decades and two unsuccessful marriages to discover that I could have gender affirmation surgery. 

I am proud to be a woman.

My work as a freelance editor

According to a 1916 career guide for girls: “editors, and the men who rewrite stories, must be able to work under pressure in a way that is beyond the power of most women.”

There are now over 74,471 editors currently employed in the United States. 53.6% of all editors are women, while 46.4% are men. 

As a man, I had lots of experience as a writer for magazines and an editor of some. However, now I am primarily responsible for helping to improve my client's writing. 

While proofreading is a part of being an editor, I also must identify inconsistencies in the works of writers.

• I comment on the good and the bad, but my comments are always constructive. 
• I go through everything with a fine-toothed comb.
• I am not afraid of hurting my client's feelings or offending them. 
• I view my client's work objectively, even if we are friends.
• I do not revise a writer's work. But I will suggest revisions for the writer to make. 
• If a client's work is accepted for publication, they must be prepared to do more work on a manuscript based on my suggestions.

2023 lots of snow

About six months after Amy and I moved to Renova Flats, Reno had more snow than the town has had in a decade. It snowed heavily for 15 days in January 2023, 13 days in February, 15 days in March and 5 days in April and 2 days in March 2023.

In total, the Snow Lab recorded 136 inches of snow during February, which is 181% of the 52-year average of seventy-five inches for the month of February. 

The only way it affected me was making trips to meet with clients cold and difficult. I had only a dozen client meetings the whole winter and had a challenging time getting through the packed snow in my little PT Cruiser. I came close to falling on ice a few times.

For Amy and me? We stayed inside mostly all the time. Thank goodness for our TV and streaming. And my snow boots.